Sick Y__Y

Yes, indeedy, there is a way to be sick and yet still maintain dignity and manners.  Read on for some tips on getting through it.

 Let me say first that if your body is beginning to hint to you that sickness is on its way--do what you can to prevent it.  Trust me, you don't want to make a bad impression on that first date, lose a day (or more) of pay at work, or feel badly in general.  Drink some orange juice, take your vitamins, get lots of rest, etc.  Don't let sickness win.

If sickness does, in fact, win....
1.  Know that if you work in the food industry (especially) your employers can not keep you there if there is nasty grossness coming out of either your mouth or your ass.  That's the law, kids.  You are pretty much a leper at this point, and really--you should have known better than to come in to work in the first place.  You've just spread your vile disease, and your co-workers will likely hate your stupid face in about two days.

2.  If you're not having the issues mentioned in our first rule, you should make every attempt to go to work.  The best way to play it is to have your boss send you home, not the other way around.  This way, you not only give the impression of someone with priorities and work ethic, but you take the responsibility off of yourself for just not coming in.  HOWEVER..

• You should keep a nice space from everyone you work with, most importantly.  Be a gem and don't give everyone around you cooties.
• Bring whatever you need to get you through the day with you, be it aspirin, cold medicine, juice, tea, whatever.  At least then, you aren't looking like some pathetic asshole, sitting around and whining about it.  As well, being seen by your boss with your "sick arsenal" will make you look (again) like you have some work ethic, priorities, and consideration for your peers.
• Sanitize your shit.  Trust me, if you take some hand sanitizer and alcohol wipes with you, your co-workers will love you for it.  If you share a phone, wipe it down after you use it.  You get the drift.  Nobody wants your nasty germs.
• DO NOT COVER YOUR SNEEZES OR COUGHS WITH YOUR HANDS.  For the love of god, have more sense than that.  You get your vile, diseased snot and saliva all over your hands, then proceed to touch everything.  Use the crook of your arm, a kleenex, whatever.  And, um...throw said kleenex away, slob.  Nobody wants to look at your snot rag.
• Don't snort all day.  Nothing grosses people out more than listening to some sick asshole snorting back his or her snot.  Blow your damn nose.  
• I take it back--the only the that grosses me out more than snorting is spitting.  You have a loogie?  Spit it out DISCREETLY.  I mean...ew, dude.  Just, ew.

3.  If you're lucky enough to not have to work through your germ infestation--do us all a favor and stay home.  Don't try to go out, (God forbid you run into co-workers or your boss...that'll just look bad.) and don't run errands.  Just chill out, relax, soak in a bath, whatever.  Keep yourself in quarantine.  Not only will you get better more rapidly, you're saving the rest of us from coming into contact with your nastiness, and will be considered a better person for it.  A suggestion would be to give your home a good cleaning once you feel better, to get that sick-funk out, but for the slobs I will say simply...just clean your sickly shit up before you have company.  And if you have company while your sick, not only are you an inconsiderate dumb-ass, but you should see the above work etiquette.

That's about all I have for sick etiquette for the time being.  I will now sanitize my keyboard and try to rid myself of my own vile disease.